"happiness"

the fray sings a song titled "happiness" that i just spent a while dissecting. these are the lyrics...

happiness is just outside my window
would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
or is happiness a little more like knocking
on your door, and you just let it in?

happiness feels a lot like sorrow
let it be, you can't make it come or go
but you are gone- not for good but for now
gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
happiness was never mine to hold
careful child, light the fuse and get away
cause happiness throws a shower of sparks

happiness damn near destroys you
breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
so you tell yourself, that's probably enough for now
happiness has a violent roar

happiness is like the old man told me
look for it, but you'll never find it all
but let it go, live your life and leave it
then one day, wake up and she'll be home
home, home, home

when i first heard it, i literally had no idea what the words were saying. then today as i listened i caught something deeper, and i looked up the lyrics. this song is so beautiful. it's about the difference between happiness and contentment. here is a quote i found after researching what other people saw as the true song meaning.

"true happiness is not something one looks for. ponder this...when one is sad, isn't it more likely that the person will search frantically for a way to get from it? that happiness isn't real. real happiness is like falling in love, like getting great unexpected news. and the main reason for all of those things is because you aren't searching for it."

happiness is based on circumstances whereas contentment is eternal. we have to learn to live life not constantly seeking happiness to fulfill our hearts, because that won't bring it to us...but by remaining content with the life God's given to us. We have to learn to be content in all circumstances. paul wrote something about that too...

"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:11-13

Always,
Rachel

letting go

i think i'm on the brink (right phrase?) of letting go of something that i've held onto for far too long.

if this works out, it's going to be the end to the most joyful, heart-wrenching, exhilarating, strenuous, necessary experience of my life so far.

i have so many faults, but i am a very loyal person.
i have a hard time deciphering between what hurts me and what i have a commitment to.

i've gotten this close to letting go before and backed down, but this time it feels different.
i'm ready to move on.

little miracles

As we grow up and life gets more complicated with all the new distractions, it becomes more difficult to keep our hearts on fire for God. And a lot of times we sit begging for a sign or something just to remind us that the big guy really is out there. So, I just wanted to share with you all something on my mind.

We've been having some frigid temperatures down here in the south for the first time in who knows how long. I was supposed to travel home this weekend to see my sister perform in the GPS/McCallie Winter One Acts, but was unable to go today and most likely still won't be able to travel tomorrow due to the icy roads. I was really frustrated with my parents' decision until around 1:00 today when I got a phone call from my mom and sister.

They called and told me that around 12 they had headed out to see a movie in one car, with my dad following behind them to run some errands. For those of you who haven't been to my house, it requires going up two hills, the first of which over the course of the past 24 hours had been covered with a clear sheet of ice, invisible from a distance. My mom and sister didn't see it and started to slide down the first hill entering my neighborhood, which leads straight out onto an already dangerous intersection onto Hixson Pike (right after the S curves). My mom made the risky, but intelligent move of turning onto a little "island" in the middle of the road, hoping to give her tires some firm ground and friction to work with. The car stopped just as the island was coming to an end, totally demolishing this small piece of landscape, but they were safe. They tried to call my dad and warn him about the ice, but he wasn't picking up his phone. So, in order to make sure he didn't hit it, they moved the car into the center of the road a few feet in front and started honking their horn repeatedly, so that he would have to either hit them or stop in time to not hit the ice. He saw them in time and they were able to go back and spend the rest of the day safe and warm in my house.

It could have been a really scary day for me, but God had my family in his hands. :) I couldn't be more thankful. So in case anyone was in need of a reminder of how amazing our God is.... He's wonderful. He's intangible yet so compassionate. I hope sharing my little miracle can remind y'all of the thousands of millions of "little miracles" that God brings every day. All you have to do is take a look.

I also want to share something I learned this summer at Camp Vesper Point. I always enter the summer ready and impatiently waiting for that crazy spiritual high, and this year it didn't come quite as quickly as usual. I remember being so frustrated and discontent until one night I had a realization. A dear friend of mine out of absolutely nowhere opened up to me about some serious, deep-rooted problems in her life, and she asked me for advice. God spoke through me and gave me the perfect insight and wisdom to comfort her, and I felt the most amazing feeling I'd experienced since arriving. It was then that I realized that I find God in so many ways, but it always leads back to what He said. Helping and loving others.

If you want to have joy, give it to someone else.

Always,
Rach

praying for fran

Dear God,
Please protect my dear friend and pretty much guardian angel you've sent to me this year (although she could have been in my life far before that...grr). Give her strength, wisdom, peace, good spirit, joy, and contentment in you. :) Keep her well and keep her safe. I know she will learn so much, but I'm going to miss her like crazy. She has so much wisdom and such a pure heart totally driven towards you. I envy her, but at the same time am so thankful for her. She teaches me daily. :) You've blessed me with her this year more than she'll ever know, so please bless her trip with the many lessons you have in store for her in Ethiopia!
Always,
Rachel

"time"

my most recent song.....it's slightly depressing, but i'm not depressed!
it's just about a typical girl in love, surviving a breakup
and learning, by the end of the song, that she does have to move on.

human satisfaction

I feel like it is an absolute, 100% proven fact that we always want what we can't have.

I've specifically noticed this recently with something that I've had in the past, but I never wanted it as badly as I want it right now. Why is that? It's reeeeally bugging me lately, today specifically.

The only thing I can come up with is that I'm not completely as focused on God as I have been recently. It's really strange, but when I come home it's harder for me than at school. I guess that's because I started Samford with the conscious decision to focus on my spiritual walk more than anything else over the next four years...so I've made a lot of great habits that I didn't have in high school. However, when I come home I sink back into my less efficient schedule of studying / talking with the Big Guy.

It's weird. It's like in the back of my head I always know the answer to the things that hurt my heart the most. It always leads back to finding my utter contentment in Jesus and his never failing love... but I continue to think that I can handle it on my own. Or that I want to. I'm such a control freak. Like it's gross. I want to plan my own life's surprises.... I need patience bad. And faith.

God, help me. I'm such a mess it's ridiculous. But you know that because you made me and you're guiding me through everything. Help me to know you have a plan that is so much greater than I could ever imagine. Because I'm real bad about wanting things to go my way. I'm sorry :(

Always,
Rachel

utter contentment

i am so happy.

God is so good.

i am in love with samford.

and my friends.

my heart gets a little better every day.

i'm becoming comfortable.

:)