leaving

I hate the concept of leaving.  :(   I don't like when people leave, and I don't like leaving people!  One of my best friends is about to go all the way across the country to pursue his passion, and I am so happy for him.  But it makes me sad... I'll miss him so much.

Leaving Vesper Point (twice, oddly enough) was like reaching a state of pure contentment, peace, and self confidence and then leaving all of that behind.  It's so hard to keep up that state in the real world.  But I guess everyone has to come off of that mountain for a while or else we wouldn't be able to tell others about it and help them with their climb.

Watching all of my friends who boarded at McCallie leave after graduation was easily the hardest thing I've ever done.  They don't live here and most of them, other than friends and visiting their Alma Mater, don't have any reason to come back.  It's so easy to say, "Oh yeah! We'll keep in touch.  No big deal."  But actually doing it?  That's hard.  One of my dearest friends, who boarded all four years of high school, came and stayed with me last night and I realized then that I'd only spoken to him once since he left over two months ago.

It's hard to understand how God's plan could be bigger and better as I watch people who mean so much to me walk out of my life (possibly forever)...but I have to keep reminding myself that He knows how to run my life so much better than I do.  I mean seriously...there's like five million bajillion different types of trees in the world that all have trillions of leaves and in order to live properly they, like all plants, defy gravity by drawing water UP from the ground.  Not to mention how every muscle and vein in my body works and it all comes together to make ME.  Sometimes I get weirded out thinking about the fact that I'm a person.  I know that sounds weird, but I really do.  I'll just sit here and think...whoa I'm real.  I'm me.  I'm Rachel Cobble, and I exist.  Anyway, Do I seriously think that I can run my life better than the God who made everything on this whole planet work?  Really, my ignorance kills me.  Let's be honest...I'm an idiot.

:) God, help me learn.  I'm so naive.

Always, 

Rachel